75 Funny Messages, Quotes to Send to Friends

Increase Your happiness and Decrease Your sorrows

Modern wishes: May god increase your happiness daily like the price of petrol!! And Decrease your sorrows like your mobile balance..!!


Sensex is down

Sensex is Down. Petrol,Gold and Property are not affordable. So Invest in Relations, Feelings and Friendship.Its the only Promising Investment to get Good Returns.


Johnny johnny yes papa

Johnny johnny… yes papa!
Job in IT…yes papa!
Lot of tension…yes papa!
Too much work…yes papa!
Family life…no papa!
BP.Sugar.high papa!
Yearly bonus…joke papa!
Annual pay…Low papa!
Personal life…Lost papa!


Life s greatest lesson

My life has always taught me one great lesson.which should be kept in mind for entire lifetime. MAGGI can never be made in 2 minutes. Don’t expect emotional messages every time.


To sit and do nothing

Crow sitting on a tree doing nothing, Rabbit thought to do the same and sat on ground. A wolf came and ate it.

MORAL:”To Sit and do Nothing, You need to be on the top”


Internet bill

Respect your parents. They pay for your internet bill.


Having attitude problem

I don’t have an attitude problem. I just have an attitude and I don’t find it to be problem.


Can you live without love

People say they cant live without love, But I feel oxygen is more important.


Apple and Blackberry

Life was much easier when apple and blackberry were just friends.


Talking back and Explaining

Parents call it talking back. We call it explaining


Single or Lonely

SINGLE??? No, I’m just in a relationship with freedom.


Correct the sentence

Teacher : Correct the sentence,
A bull and a cow is grazing in the field
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.


Great people great thoughts

Great thought from great people:-
If someone in your life makes you to forget your Past,
that someone is probably your Future!


Old man and the barber

A Old man had 8 hair on his head he went to barber shop …
Barber in anger asked SHALL I CUT or COUNT?
old man smiled & politely said!
COLOUR IT baby.


Poetry and essay

What is the difference between POETRY & ESSAY ?
Any word uttered by GIRLFRIEND is POETRY.
While anything said by WIFE is ESSAY.


Fine from traffic police

Everyone goes with the flow
but the one who goes opposite to the flow becomes someone remarkable in life
before I could explain this to TRAFFIC POLICE
He issued me FINE receipt!”


Fish or blackberry

GF- Were are you?
BF- I am in bank
GF- I need Rs 10,000 for Blackberry & Rs 3,000 for haircut.
BF- Sorry, I meant I am at the
Bank of a River “You want Fish?”


Settle abroad boys vs girls

How to settle abroad?
For boys:
Study hard
Get good grades
Apply student visa
Wait for call
Go abroad
Work hard
Get good job.

For girls:

Marry that boy.!


Papu and his new college

Papu opens a new College.
But Students are confused to take Admission.
Because College name was:
Papu Medical College of Engineering for Commerce & Arts.


Whom u hate the most

Teacher: Children., whom do you hate the most?
UKG Boy: Rajaram Mohan Roy.
Teacher: Oh God!! Why do you hate him?
UKG Boy: He abolished Child Marriage.


Eight year old robber

A priest asks a naughty 8yr old boy- where is god?
Boy screams, runs home & tells his friends
dude, god is missing & they think we did it.


Everybody makes mistakes

In this world
everybody makes mistakes,
but only
girlfriend, wife & boss
have the gifted talent
of finding them,
remembering them & reminding them..


Think about studies

Bus Driver Suddenly applyed break, Boy fell on girl and kissed her
Gal: Hey what are you doing?
Boy: MBA & You?
She smiled & said B.Tech
Moral: ALWAYS THINK About Studies.


Ten girls under an umbrella but don’t get wet

“10 Girls under a small umbrella. But nobody get wet.
HOW?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
Because…it was Not RAINING.
Moral- Don’t think like a scientist..!”


Five year old son crying

“5 yr son ws crying,
Dad came n ask-Y r u crying? Tel me i m ur frnd na?
SON- kuch nahi yar, jara sa horlicks kya manga teri item bhadak gayi.”


Wear the shoes

True lines: Before truth wear the shoes, rumors already finish the world tour.


Heights of interest

” A man saw a board at center of river, he tried to read but he couldn’t.
So, he swims to the center & read it
“CROCODILES INSIDE DON’T JUMP”……!!!!!


Height Of Facebook Update

Height Of Facebook Update :-
“Just finished my marriage, now entering into room for first night!!!!”
25 likes 1 comment,,,,,
keep on updating, we are online……!!!!!!


Walking in rain

“I love to walking in rain so that no one can see my tears”
this is old but latest is

“I love to walk in all the season because petrol price is ” 74+ per litre.


Answer my next question

Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can go home.
Pappu throws bag out of the window.
Teacher: Who threw that?
Pappu: Me, I’m going home.


TAX vs FINE

“FINE” is a ‘TAX’ for doing wrong things……
where as
“TAX” is a ‘FINE’ for doing right things……….


Everything in the world is beautiful

“Everything in the world is beautiful
in a particular Context…..
A School bell sound makes us angry at 9 AM
but the same sounds melodious at 4PM”.


Why are you sleeping in class?

Teacher: Why are you sleeping in the class?
Student: Your voice is so sweet mam that I’m getting sleep
Teacher: Then why are the others not sleeping?
Student: They are not listening to you Mam….!”


We are not married yet

Girl: When we get married,
I want to share all your worries,
troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: Its very kind of you, darling, But I don’t have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that is because we aren’t married yet.


My Son has swallowed a key

Man: Doctor! My Son has swallowed a key.
Doctor: When ?
Man: Three Months Ago
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Man: We were using duplicate key”.


Three Classical signs that a person is Engineer

Three classical signs that a person is Engineer
……..”STRESSED”….
….”DEPRESSED”…
……Still well “DRESSED”……


Kurkure and love

In a park two lovers eating KURKURE by looking each other eyes
Girl:”Dear What are you thinking at this moment?”
Boy: “You are eating more KURKURE than me”


Matter is very serious

Sorry to disturb YOU..
Matter is serious..
Actually we are playing CARDS, joker is missing!
So please send your passport size photo urgently..:-)


You may lose your hair

As years go u may lose your hair,
teeth,
eye sight
but notyo ur
smartness,
talent,
brightness
and
intelligence…
Because you can lose only what you have..


Wedding and boxing are same?

DRAGSTER:
Why do couples hold hands during their wedding??
Its just a formality,
like two BOXERS shaking hands before the FIGHT!!!


Engineering student and different semesters

ENGINEERING STUDENT:
1st semester- “Guys just 2 weeks left for the internals. Lets start studying.”
3rd semester- “Dude still a week left. Lets start tomorrow”.
5th semester-“Man internals tomorrow!! Shall we start?”
7th semester- ” Dude, 3 holidays on account of internals.
Where shall we go?”


Are you joking idiot

HOD to a engineering student.

HOD: You must score at least 75% in exam.

Student: No Sir I will score 100%.

HOD: Are you joking over here….

Student: Idiot who started joking first?


How does ice cube leak?

Papu looking at an ice cube in sunlight from 1 hour.
Someone asked him what are you doing …?
Papu replied: I’m checking from where its leaking …..!


Exams and study holidays in engineering

At the time of STUDY holidays::
8 am- Get up.,
9 am- Break fast.,
10am -Thinking to score 100 &
then afternoon lunch..
Sleep & in evening tea thinking to score 60..
after dinner..
thinking to score 35..
In the exam hall thinking of how many subjects to put to revaluation…
This is Engineering.


Hardest things learnt in college

Father- What were the 2 hardest things you learnt in college?
Son- Opening beer bottles with teeth,
&
lighting cigarettes with only 1 match left in heavy wind!!


How old are you now?

Nearly 120 scientists are struggling from many years to know how many
years can a man live without brain…
.
.
.
please tell them how old you are.


Papu and chemical symbol

Prof: Chemical symbol of Barium..?
Papu: BA.
Prof: For Sodium..?
Papu: NA.
Prof: What happens when 1 atom of BA & 2 atoms of NA combine..?
Papu: BANANA.


Live to get her

Read this
“LIVETOGETHER”.
How did you read?,
LIVE TOGETHER
or
LIVE TO GET HER.
Just a beautiful way to say life is the way how you look at it….!


Which great person to follow?

“Laziness is our biggest enemy” – Jawaharlal Nehru.
“We should learn to love our enemies”- Mahathma Gandhi.
Which one to follow?… Confusing right.


Get separate bills for me and he

Boy & girl in hotel.
Boy- I love you..
Girl- I don’t love you.
Boy- Think again?
Girl- I told you..No
Boy- Waiter,bring separate bills..
Girl- I love you too.


Marriages may be made in heaven

“Marriages may be made in heaven,
But maintenance charges are paid on earth”.


How can kidney go to school?

Doctor: Your Kidney has Failed.
Papu: Doctor what are you saying?
My Kidney never went to School then how can it fail.


Laugh now Smile later

“laugh until you have teeth
You can smile later!!


Only two persons in this world are happy

Only two persons in this world are happy:
one is MAD
and
another is CHILD.


I am normal and you are mental

FUN: Believe me, we are true friends…

I am lamp, you are light…

I am Coke, you are Sprite…

I am sky, you are cloud…

I am normal, you are mental…

If both of us are alive after 100 years what does it mean…..
Obviously it means that HELL IS FULL.


Nurse and her body spray

Nurse: Breathe Deeply & Now Slowly Exhale
Kid: Okay
Nurse: What do you feel now?
Kid: Your BODY SPRAY is Simply Super.


He kisses her all the time

Wife: Pointing at a couple next door says to her husband,
Look at him, he kisses her all the time,
Cannot you do that?
Husband: Tried
But she slapped me.”


When you feel the world is empty and full of darkness

“Whenever you feel the world is empty and full of darkness,
just come and hold my hand,
I will take you to “EYE CARE CLINIC”.


Crying to solve a problem

Crying does not solve any problem
But it,
Surely Cleanses your eyes
Cry regularly to have clear eyes!


Leaving to US for further studies

Boy leaving to US for further studies
Girl: I will miss you
Boy: I won’t miss you
Girl: What???
Boy: I will enjoy life
Girl: Will you forget me?
Boy: No,I will always be in touch with you through Facebook.


Can’t travel without you

I can’t travel anywhere without you.
Every morning you make me feel fresh.
Every night you force me to use you.
You help me face the world with confidence.
…….
…….
…….
………
I was talking about my toothbrush.
Now ,what were you thinking??


Heights of learning by heart

Eye doctor: Read the letters on the first line of the board.
Boy: Reads correctly A B P K T
Eye doctor: OK, Read the letters on the second line.
Boy: Reads correctly c w q r b
Eye doctor: Wondering, Read the letters on the bottom second line.
Boy: Reads correctly f g h i o
Eye doctor: Confused, Read the letters on the last line.
Boy: Reads correctly p s e l b
Eye doctor: Son you have a perfect eyesight. Why are you wearing those glasses?
Boy: Because I can’t read without the glasses.
Eye doctor: But then you read everything correctly now without your glasses
Boy: I actually memorized those letters while I was waiting to see you.


Formula for Success

Formula for success= Hard work + Play + Keeping mouth under control.


Can you do anything that others cannot do?

Ron: Can you do anything that others cannot do?
Rahul: Oh yes, I can read my own handwriting!


There is something which money can’t buy

Money can buy fancy dresses.
Money can buy yummy food.
Money can buy smartphones.
Money can buy luxurious apartments.
There are somethings which money can’t buy.
But you can buy it with credit card.


I need your hand to correct me

If I go wrong I need your hand to CORRECT me.
If I win I need your hand to SUPPORT me.
If I am lost I need your hand to GUIDE me

So cut and courier your hand to me!


You are a Genius

I still remember the day I
sent a message to you saying ‘Sender is cool and Reader is fool’

You got angry and replied
‘Sender is fool and Reader is cool’

You are a Genius.


Importance of thumb

Importance of thumb:
Babies use it for chewing.
Illiterate People use it for sign.
Winners use it for victory &
my fans use it for reading my messages.
Oh, You too? Crazy fans!


A boy wrote a love letter with his blood

A boy wrote love letter
with his BLOOD to a medical girl & said
“Please reply for my letter.”
Girl replied:
“Blood group B+
Hemoglobin 12
Sugar-OK
Fees- Rs 500″.


Maths teacher asked Johny to solve a problem

Maths teacher asked Johny If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Dona, 3 to Alice and 4 to Roma then what will you get ?

Johny replied “Sir! 3 new girl friends”.


Nobody had a watch in the past

Funny but true THOUGHT

In the past, nobody had a watch but Everyone had Time.

Now, everyone has a watch but NOBODY has TIME.